A Nickel for My Thoughts: Tough Question

The Duerksen Family Initial "Getting to Know the Potential Addition to the Family" Questionnaire

The following questions will be asked by a Duerksen family member and must be answered truthfully by the Duerksen Family Candidate. Thank you for your cooperation.

Candidate in Question: Michael, currently dating DUERKSEN FAMILY MEMBER Hillary Joyce.

1) The Duerksen family encourages casual swearing (as long as it is in good taste.) Do you, Michael, encourage and take part in casual swearing?

2) The Duerksen Family is a very gassy family by nature. Do you, Michael, appreciate the volume and stench of a well brought up "passing of the wind?"

3) The Duerksen Family puts the FUN in Funeral. Would you, Michael, be part of this rambunctious humor the Duerksen family endorses?

4) The Duerksen cousins enjoy a game of crocket now and then, complete with fire jumping and other dangerous but amusing obstacles. If you were to join in on such a game, Michael, would you put all fear aside and give it your all, or would you wuss out like the baby you used to be?

5) The Duerksen cousins also enjoy Red Rover. These games are extremely dangerous, often resulting in concussions. If your name was called to come "running over" would you, Michael, run at the opposing team full force, screaming at the top of your lungs, or jog lightly as our pregnant cousins would (in other words, like a girl)?

6) As many people know, the Duerksen's LOVE to eat, and often food sits out all day for our picking pleasure. Do you, Michael, find this practice: a) disgusting; b) delightful; c) revolting; or d) when in Rome, do as Romans do (when in Killarney, do as the Duerksen's do)?

7) The Duerksen girl cousins (ages 19-25, often older) enjoy dressing up and putting on a fashion show with Auntie Deedee's latest garage sale finds. We often try to get the boy cousins to join us. Would you, Michael, jump head first in to the tickle trunk to find a dress that is simply to die for, or would you resort to the living room full of aunties, waiting for us to show off our latest fashion fax pas?

8) The beach in Killarney is a fun place to be!! The Duerksen cousins love to dig in the sand making dragon catchers and liposuction pits. In your opinion Michael, do dragons truly exist in the real world, or are they simply alive on the pages of Robert Munsch's book, "The Paper Bag Princess"? Also, if you were to one day become as large as our uncle, would you admit that you need liposuction, or simply continue golfing at least one game a day for the rest of your life?

9) Michael, once you enter into the Duerksen family (if that day arrives), you will simply be absorbed into the Duerksen way of life, which is scientifically proven to be the most complex family in the Mennonite world. Don't let this alarm you, Michael, as we are a fun loving bunch, who after we have thoroughly interrogated you and made you feel as uncomfortable as possible, will welcome you with loving arms. Or a good old fashioned slap on the back by Uncle Jake, which will send you reeling to the other side of the room, after which he will demand that you pay him a dollar. Please keep a supply of loonies on hand for the several occasions that Uncle Jake thinks you owe him a dollar.

Do you accept this mission Micheal?
Remember, once you accept, there is no turning back...

Signature of Duerksen Family Member:_______________________

Signature of Duerksen Family Candidate:_______________________

Michael, please be advised that the Duerksen Family will be reviewing this questionnaire, and Hillary Joyce will be getting back to you with our decision. Good Luck.

Now that I have laughed so hard I almost peed my pants, I still need an envelope!
I believe credit should go to Leah, my wonderful, caring cousin, who is always making sure the people we date are as crazy as us!

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